I do wish my mind weren’t such a jumble
I wish I could make everything better, and nothing to crumble
I’ve felt lonelier then I do these days
And yet it seems this time is worse in so many ways
I do wish my feelings had equivalent words
Or music so perfectly in tune as the flight of birds
Instead I shall wait now a little longer
And hope this feeling is just passing and I will come out stronger.
And she was a snapshot of reality
Living in a dream world of insanity
Quite literally on the brink
To avoid taking up too much space
To avoid her own apocalypse
Standing on the edge of life
Somewhere between love and might
Reminding herself everyday
That it’s all made up,
Of what you go get,
What you give
What you take.
When she cried it was hysterical
And when she moved, futile.
The girl could not fathom just how much
She would lose and gain and fall.
After too much love she had given out
After too many words she had uttered
After too many times falling down
And too many times that she’d suffered
Now the little girl lays in her box
The little girl now does nothing,
Feels nothing, says nothing at all.
I just hope it gets better, as things that can get better will. I think it can happen, if a chance of Us remains still. What’s worst is knowing, knowing we were so damn close; yet I let it slip through my fingers, I let my nails make this hole. What were we fighting? What have we been doing? All along I was a dreamer; all along I was a believer. All along I was hoping… for it to get better yet… as things that can get better will get.
You feel. What you feel is too much. It is such a quantity of feeling that you are completely overtaken. And this ‘feeling’ has no name, tag, definition. It takes over you. Strong, omnipotent, all-consuming and unsustainable. You cannot win it. All you can do is wait for it to take its course, leave you exhausted and empty… Oh why can you not remember better days? Why can you not understand? Why are you unable to keep your head up and push through this? Is it the waiter’s game? Are you damned to this non-existent fight for the rest of your days? Moreover, are the rest of your days doomed to be determined by this ‘feeling’? This emotion so complex and overpowering that you know, you know, you cannot conquer? Emotions, feelings… It is so so much… Much too much…
It’s been a while since we’ve met.
You’re slowly slipping into me again.
I thought this was through…
Yet here you are again, and you do not ask me: it’s not a choice, this is me and you.
I didn’t considering mine an escape…
But I was free ! Why are you taking me away again ? What is it you want with me?
Furious, she became. The madness in her was turning her blind.
Sadness. She is overcome.
Turn loneliness to rage, girl, but it will eat you whole, burn you right through as fast as a bolt of lightning.
She was going to be done by these emotions, be it one or the other. They complimented each other: both the consequence of her confusion. Now the question was by which hand she would go.
Fast or slow, eventually she would be no more.